Just Ask Georgia: 2/26/2025

GEORGIA, I have a question,

I (21F) am in college and usually go home for the holidays to spend time with my dad (48M) and extended family. My parents divorced when I was 12, and I’ve always spent part of the holidays with each parent.

My dad remarried early last year to “Lisa” (46F), and while we’re polite to each other, we’re not particularly close. This past year, I made plans months in advance to visit my mom’s side of the family for Christmas. I told my dad and Lisa early on, and both seemed fine with it.

Fast forward to the second week of December—Lisa called me and said they were planning to host a big Christmas dinner for her side of the family, and I needed to be there. I reminded her of my plans; she seemed surprised and said, “We assumed you’d want to be here since this is our first Christmas as a real family.” She started guilt-tripping me, saying it was important to “blend the families” and that it would “mean a lot” to my dad if I made the effort.

When I brought this up to my dad later, he said he understood my plans but also mentioned that Lisa was upset because she wanted a “perfect” first Christmas as a married couple. He said I should “think about what kind of family dynamic I want in the future.” I feel like it was more about her feelings than his or mine.

Fast forward to now: Lisa has not spoken to me since that phone call, and a few family members (including my grandma) have said I could have tried to compromise. My mom says I did nothing wrong, but I wonder if I should have made more effort for my dad’s sake.

TORN

Dear TORN,

Red flag. She hasn’t spoken to you in months because you couldn’t make the perfect Christmas dinner? Your dad knew about your plans well in advance. This could all have been avoided if he just told her not to include you when planning her dinner.

There was a real family in place before she joined the family. You would have been in the wrong had you canceled the plans with your mom for the last-minute plans of your new stepmom.

You did exactly right: your plans were made well in advance, and you informed them of them, which should have been the end of it. Your stepmother making plans for you, an adult, without consulting you was wrong. Now, she is pouting like a child because she didn’t get her way. That is her problem, not yours. It’s ridiculous that your dad didn’t call her out for it. And yes, he was more interested in appeasing her than worrying about how it would affect you.

I’m sorry for the stress this has caused. I feel you are being the bigger person in this scenario.

With love, GEORGIA

Have a question for Georgia? Email her at whledger@gmail.com.

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