Just Ask Georgia: 10/9/2024

Georgia, I have a question,

Is it appropriate to show up for the reception if you have not attended the funeral?

My brother-in-law passed away, and we traveled out of town for the funeral, staying at a hotel. My daughter lives about an hour away from where we were staying. She has only met my husband’s family four times in 10 years.

She could not attend the wake or the funeral but wanted to attend the reception and family meal at the restaurant. I told her it would be inappropriate and intrusive to just show up at the meal if she did not attend the services.

Was I correct? Or would it have been okay for her to show up for the meal and bring flowers for the widow?

Funeral Etiquette

Dear Funeral,

Your daughter wanted to express her condolences despite her busy schedule, while you did not want her to appear to be looking for a free meal. Both are reasonable concerns, but both can be accomplished with a letter of condolence.

If your daughter also wanted the meal, she could have called the widow to express her condolences and said how sorry she was that she was not free before such-and-such time, which conflicts with the funeral. Your sister-in-law could have then suggested she come when she was available.

Funerals are a sensitive time for most families. It’s best to tread carefully so that actions are not misconstrued.

With love, Georgia

Have a question for Georgia? Email her at whledger@gmail.com. Please note: this column is just for fun. No person, animal, or property has ever been harmed or in danger. Satire is “the use of humor, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people’s stupidity or vices, particularly in the context of contemporary politics and other topical issues.”