Ledger Editorial: It Ends With US - A Stronger Message Needed

As a founding member of both Gold Junction Presents (a Whitehall non-profit that now operates the Star Theatre) and We Are HER (a Whitehall non-profit that helps survivors of domestic violence and sexual assault), my two non-profit worlds collided with the showing of It Ends With Us this past weekend.

Having heard from teens who had read Colleen Hoover’s book, which the movie is based on, I was very torn about this movie. I had heard that the guy who hit her “was so hot” in the books and such a bad boy they’d “let” him do that. I worried that the movie would glamorize and romanticize domestic violence instead of showing it for the horrors it truly is.

The IMBD synopsis of this movie does not tell you the harsh reality of this movie. It makes it sound like a romantic movie, “ When a woman’s first love suddenly reenters her life, her relationship with a charming, but abusive, neurosurgeon is upended, and she realizes she must learn to rely on her own strength to make an impossible choice for her future.” To me, that doesn’t say much. Google “what is It Ends With Us about” and the first entry says, “ It explores themes of domestic violence and emotional abuse. However, the book is ultimately still billed as a “romance novel.” The book’s publisher described it as a story about “a workaholic with a too-good-to-be-true romance who can’t stop thinking about her first love.” Hmmmmmmm...no?

I worried that a group of women planned to do a Ladies’ Night for the Friday show. I wanted to scream from the rooftops that this should not be a FUN movie to watch and socialize over. So, I went to the Friday movie We Are HER fliers in hand, and watched.

As a survivor myself, the movie hit me. HARD. As it should. Afterwards some of the ladies attending Ladies Night looked a bit shook, others had tears in their eyes, some took We Are HER fliers, and others laughed. I felt that the point got across – it should all end with us.

I feel that the advertising for this movie was misdirected, false, and unfair to those who didn’t know a thing about the book. Even the movie’s poster is happy and frilly, showing Blake Lively grinning. And then there’s that – Blake Lively. The drama surrounding her dislike of her castmate and director, Justin Baldoni, has overpowered the true message they both should have been sharing – violence of any kind is not ok. I heard more discussion regarding Lively’s new haircare line than I did about her discussing the true message of this movie. Also, there was no trigger warning at either the beginning of this movie or at the end telling people that violence should not be tolerated.

I get it. I am against trigger warnings in general because ANYTHING can trigger someone. However, this movie was supposed to be ABOUT those triggers. And not a word. Not a blip on the screen of who you can reach out to. Nothing.

Justin Baldoni recently wrote an open letter to survivors: “You embody resilience and courage, qualities that shine bright even on the darkest days. In the tapestry of your life, each thread tells a story of endurance, strength, and hope. Every step forward you take, no matter how small, is a declaration of your unyielding spirit and an inspiration to others. You may not always see the impact you have, but your journey encourages and motivates, lighting the path for those of us still searching for the light. While I can never fully understand your pain and all you have endured, I want you to know that you are never alone in this fight. We are with you. You are not just surviving; you are thriving, and in your thriving, you inspire us all. May your journey forward be filled with moments of profound peace. And may you remember that as you fight for joy…you are liberating us all. Sending you gratitude, strength, and love.”

While I appreciate Baldoni’s words, I don’t think this movie did enough to educate the public as it could have. This message could have been the movie’s closing scene instead of a statement on social media after the fact. The tabloid fodder of Lively and Baldoni’s dislike of one another overshadowed the reason the movie was made in the first place. Or maybe Hollywood was just in for the money grab of converting a best-seller book to a best-seller movie. Hopefully, that intention wasn’t its only reason for bringing this to the big screen.

We Are HER works to help survivors of domestic violence and sexual assault – in all their forms – become HEALED, EMPOWERED, and RESTORED. HER is not for individuals in current crisis, but for those who wish to have a community to lean on. For more information, visit WeAreHER.net. If you are in crisis, please reach out to the National Domestic Violence hotline at 800-799-7233 or text BEGIN to 88788. Local advocates include HAVEN (Bozeman) 406-586-4111, ASPEN (Livingston) 406-222-5902, the Friendship Center (Helena) 406-442-6800, and Safe Space (Butte) 406-782-9807.