CONNECTING POINT: Give & Take

In last week’s column, I presented or reiterated a core principle of being a Christian, self-denial. Jesus embodied this to the greatest degree and if we are to follow Him, we learn to practice the discipline of self-sacrifice daily. As humans, we are born into a world that is driven by self-interest. The first stages of our life are predominantly “dependent.” This means that as infants, we require complete dependency on others, and parents and caregivers give endlessly day and night. Self-interest fades in various ways as we age; in time, we learn to become independent; however, the default of self-interest is always with us.

Over the past 25 years, I’ve had the opportunity to officiate at many weddings and point couples toward a Biblical concept of marriage: true love puts your spouse first. Agape love is self-sacrificing and freely given without condition. A healthy marriage exists when both husband and wife strive to practice this love; they complement each other well. In recent years I have shared an illustration with couples at their wedding ceremony, called “The Marriage Box” and goes as follows. Most people get married believing a myth that marriage is a beautiful box full of all the things they have longed for, such as companionship, intimacy, friendship, etc. The truth is that marriage at the start is an empty box. You must put something in before you can take anything out. There is no love in marriage. Love is in people. And people put love in marriage. There is no romance in marriage. You must infuse it into your marriage. A couple must learn the art and form the habit of giving, loving, serving, praising, and keeping the box full. If you take out more than you put in, the box will be empty.

Such an illustration can be broadened to others. Let me refer to this as “The Relationship Box.” If we take from our relationships more than we’re giving or putting into them, emptiness will follow. We should try to balance giving and taking.

Unhealthy relationships are unbalanced, and a person can only give so much; eventually, the pressure is too much. “Takers” consume the conversation, energy, and resources. In fact, “takers” place heavy expectations on the “givers” and often manipulate them through guilt tactics and self-absorbed actions.

Jesus emphasized a better way to practice being a giver. In Luke 6:38, Jesus said, “Give, and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you.” Be careful in assuming that when we give the result will always be gain (monetary or other), that too can be unbalanced and unbiblical. We should give our time, money, and resources to give simply. Don’t give to get; doing so is short-sighted.

Psalm 37:21: "The wicked borrow and do not repay, but the righteous give generously." We live in a generation of “takers,” so it’s vital that we continually examine our motivation behind giving anything. Generous givers do so with open hands, holding loosely to what is meant to be a blessing to others.

Proverbs 11:25: "A generous person will prosper; whoever refreshes others will be refreshed.” Again, be cautious about attributing “prospering” to dollars and cents we often give, and God blesses us through other important factors. A good relationship is priceless!

The decision is solely ours to be a “taker” or a “giver”. Which one will you live by?