Just Ask Georgia: 6/19/2024

Georgia, I have a question,

My niece has been estranged from the family since her teens. After five years, she returned, wanting to be near family. We are trying to get to know her again, as she is not the same child we knew—pretty much a stranger.

When she left, she was a beautiful, smart young lady, but now she states she will live as a hippie. My sister supports this. My niece has facial piercings, full underarm hair, and multiple visible tattoos.

I have a question about my son’s upcoming wedding. My niece is excited to attend, but my son is afraid she will dress in a way that will display her underarm hair and tattoos. He is concerned that she will become a spectacle and bring attention to herself with her appearance, that someone will remark on her appearance, and that he will have to defend her on the biggest day of his life.

Our whole family is anxious about this. We are a professional family, and our lifestyle reflects that. Many business associates will be in attendance.

It’s not that we don’t care about her; we are trying to learn about and love her, but this is not a way of life that society generally accepts. I resent that she came back into our lives after her absence, expecting us to approve her presentation and conduct.

Do you have any advice on how to address this? We don’t want to hurt her, but the attention should be on my beautiful daughter-in-law, not the hippie cousin's underarm hair.

No Hippies Allowed

Dear Allowed,

What business is your family in that would be damaged by seeing a cousin’s underarm hair? And what sort of guests are you expecting who would dare to criticize the bridegroom’s family to his face?

Never mind, let Georgia calm you down by pointing out the unlikelihood of the scene you envision.

The appearance you describe is not that unusual in today’s society. The chance that everyone will be gawking at her and ignoring the bride is about zero. There is a greater chance that many of them have relatives whose styles also differ from their own, and they have let bygones be bygones.

What worries me more is how alienated you all are by your relative’s looks. You will never accept her, much less love her, if you cannot see beyond that. May I suggest just leaving the poor girl alone?

With love, Georgia