Just Ask Georgia: 6/12/2024

Georgia, I have a question,

You probably won’t think this is a real question, but unfortunately, it is. Are MATERNITY TESTS real?

I gave birth to our daughter two weeks ago. I have red hair and blue eyes; my husband has blonde hair and blue eyes. Our daughter has grayish-brown eyes and a tuft of dark brown hair; her skin is a bit darker than ours. My parents have very dark brown hair and brown eyes, like the rest of my Sicilian/Greek family, but I got the genetic mutation for red hair. This is only relevant because my husband apparently does not understand genetics.

Let’s be clear - I did not cheat on my husband. However, he is convinced she is not his child because of how much darker her complexion is. To ease his mind, I said I wouldn’t be offended if he wanted a paternity test, especially since I don’t have anything to hide or be worried about. He then insisted that I should get a maternity test as well. Yeah...in his words, he doesn’t even trust me enough to trust that I am the mother! I’m very confused. I’ve tried to explain genetics and why I don’t need a maternity test to prove I carried this child. I just legitimately do not know how to get through to him. Even his mom tried to explain it.

He’s usually very smart. He is a software engineer with a master’s degree - I swear he can’t be this dumb!

Is a maternity test even a thing? Can I ask for this at my doctor’s office without being considered crazy?

But I AM the Mom

Dear Mom,

I understand your frustration - you carried her for nine months and are certain she’s yours. But what if your husband has a concern he isn’t voicing correctly - do you think he may be worried the baby was accidentally switched at the hospital? While a switch is rare unless you had eyes on her 100% of the time, it could be his deepest fear.

Maternity tests are, in fact, real and compare DNA from the mother to the child. I recommend both getting tested (maternity and paternity) to alleviate concerns.

With love, Georgia

Have a question for Georgia? Email her at whledger@gmail.com.

Please note: this column is just for fun. No person, animal, or property has ever been harmed or in danger. Satire is “the use of humor, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people’s stupidity or vices, particularly in the context of contemporary politics and other topical issues.”