Connecting Point: No More Yes Man

Today, I’m not sure many of us are aware of how easily we over-extend ourselves. Still. In general, we often wish to help someone in need because of an honest desire to be compassionate, at least that’s how I operate, how about you? Then there are other circumstances where we may say yes with our words, but on the inside our heart it shouts “No Way.”

Our country had better regain its balance fairly soon, or nothing will be left to balance. Dr. Henry Cloud says, “Every invitation to help or rescue someone is an opportunity to strengthen our honesty, integrity, and my relationship to the Lord.” Saying no can be the right decision at times.

If we say yes to every person that comes into our life, we may carry too weighty of a load, and we may fall into sin ourselves. Jesus addressed making promises or oaths insincerely. “Again, you have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘Do not break your oath, but fulfill to the Lord the vows you have made.’   But I tell you, do not swear an oath at all: either by heaven, for it is God’s throne; or by the earth, for it is his footstool; or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the Great King. And do not swear by your head, for you cannot make even one hair white or black. All you need to say is simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one,” (Matthew 5:33-37).

An insightful tool I like to use is http://www.bibleref.com, especially if I’m wrestling with understanding the text. Here is a perspective on Matthew 5:37 that may help you as well… “Here, Jesus explicitly explains why using oaths to ‘enhance’ a promise is not only unwise, it’s sinful. When someone declares a promise with an oath, they’re undermining their own personal integrity and honesty. The oath implies, ‘I really, truly mean what I am saying,’ which suggests other, non-oath-bound statements might not be so sincere. There’s a built-in suggestion that the oath-swearer has a varied commitment to honesty. It’s also a form of manipulation, seeking to get agreement from the other person using dramatic terms.”

One danger in saying “yes” too often includes a personal need or desire for acceptance. Simply put, don’t say yes due to a fear of being rejected. We learn to own our decisions and live with the outcome. Over time I’ve learned that I’m not Jesus, it’s impossible for me to meet every need of every person that crosses my path. I’m not trying to be insensitive, sure there are opportunities to extend compassion and help, but let’s do so with wisdom and integrity. Trite Christianity mixed with shallow promises is empty.

A piece of advice for all of us, stop for a moment, pray, and sincerely ask God for wisdom. The Christian discipline of prayer is not something we should gloss over in word without sincere action. When I tell someone, I’ll pray for them I need to be honest and follow through. Otherwise, I’m lying and to do so weakens my relationship with the other person or Jesus.

Although we all desire to have the basic need of acceptance met, let’s be wise with our yes’s. No can be appropriate at times.