COUSIN CLEAVON'S REDNECK COOKING: Rack of Chupacabra

Back in 2015, our sleepy town of Whitehall was plagued by a Chupacabra. Not all of Whitehall was affected, but the goat farmers were scared.

A little back story, Chupacabras are like wolves. They are hairless beasts with long tongues. They are faster than a wolf and smaller than a pit bulldog, and only eat goats. They normally live in hot places like Mexico. We still don't know how it made its way all the way to Montana.

The theory is that one of the new people in town brought it with them when they moved here or one of the local farmers bought it to get rid of his neighbor's dumb goats.

Chupacabras are very hard to kill. They are fast and quiet. The only way you know they are around is if the dogs bark or you are getting attacked. The way we killed this beast was by staking out a goat and waiting. We set up big and small wolf traps all around the goat, then waited and waited for the Chupacabra to come. Then the dogs started to bark, and one trap was tripped! Then another trap snapped! That was the point in time when all the farmers started to shoot at the goat with no idea where the beast was. As all the guns were firing we heard a scream like a rabbit dying.

The farmers stopped shooting and turned on the flood lights. The beast was on the ground screaming his head off, as were a couple of farmers, caught in the crazy crossfire. The goat succumbed to acute lead poisoning. One more shot and the Chupacabra was dead. The wounded farmers were taken to Dr. Sacry (which one, we cannot disclose.)

INGREDIENTS & TOOLS:

One rack of Chupacabra ribs

Mint jelly

10 potatoes

1 cup of milk

1 cup of cheddar cheese

1 teaspoon of rosemary

1 teaspoon of thyme

A stick of butter

5 cloves of garlic, minced

DIRECTIONS:

1. After skinning and removing the ribs, take out your cast-iron pan. Melt the butter and add the rosemary, thyme, and garlic, with a little salt and pepper. After the butter is melted and add the ribs. Cook until golden brown.

2. I believe that mashed potatoes go great with ribs. So as your ribs are cooking, start to cook the potatoes. Boil the potatoes until soft enough to mash. Then drain the potatoes and add the cheese and milk. Then mash until you feel they are soft enough.

3. The mint jelly is for the ribs if you are into that.

Bon Appetit!! P.S. These recipes aren't verified, but let us know if you give them a try!