COUSIN CLEAVON'S REDNECK COOKING: The Truth About What Grandma Cooks

Due to the genetics in my family, I am autistic and very OCD, which makes certain things obsessively important to me. Therefore, in the interest of truth and honesty, I feel it is my duty to expose all the supposedly innocent grandmas who serve their families “homemade” dinner on Thanksgiving.

We all know that grandma loves to cook homemade pies and cookies, but does she really do it from scratch?

I sent a poll around through Facebook and email to 200 people, asking about their grandma’s cooking.

The first question was, how does grandma’s cooking taste? About 99% say great.

The second question was, do you see grandma cooking the meal? 65% said yes, and 35% no. The majority said grandma shoos them out of the kitchen while she’s working.

Then I asked, if you don’t see your grandma cooking, are there a lot of food boxes in the trash can and 35% of people said yes. Then I asked those people, does their grandma say, “It’s all homemade!” a lot, and they all answered yes.

For the last question, I showed them a picture of a Marie Calendar pie, and asked, “Is this what your grandma’s pie looks like?” and they all said yes.

This made me jump to the concussion that some grandmas lied!! I hate to seem mean, especially about grandmas, but this illusion cannot go on! When she says homemade, she might mean she opened the box herself. Remember to watch your grandma cook. This will tell you if she is lying, or else she will teach you how to cook. Be aware some grandmas, with a reputation at stake and a lot to lose, might throw you out!

On the other hand, she might not cook at all and you will have to go to Perkins for your dinner. If a lot of people read this expose, it may be crowded.

Now you all have a very happy Thanksgiving!

I can hardly wait to write my Christmas reveal of the biggest hoax ever perpetrated on children!

Bon Appetit!