COUSIN CLEAVON'S REDNECK COOKING: Caramel Cockroaches

During the month of October, I find myself eating more candy and sugar, and less meat and protein. So, I looked up different ways to get more protein. I looked everywhere on the internet and couldn't find anything that sounded good to me. So, I asked my cousin Jimmy.

Just a little back story about Jimmy, he is inbred, er, I mean genetically challenged, and loves to eat insects. Jimmy suggested that I try cockroaches and sugar, he said it's like ice cream with French fries. I tried it, but could never get the right sugar-to-roach ratio right. Then I saw a kid at the fall festival eating a caramel apple. This gave me the idea to cover the cockroaches with caramel.

That night I ran to the store and picked up the caramel sauce you use on your ice cream. I dipped the roaches into the sauce and Jimmy was right, it was a sweet and salty taste.

It does take time to catch cockroaches. I catch them by putting an empty soup can on the ground so that the opening is parallel to the ground. Then I rip a piece of a Twinkie and put it into the can. The roach will smell the Twinkie and run to eat it. It takes a roach three days to eat a dime size piece of Twinkie and the roach will not leave the Twinkie until it is all gone. I like to think that the roaches are like Twinkies because they both can withstand a nuclear bomb blast. If you can't catch any roaches, just order them online.

Alternatively, this has been a remarkable fall for box-elder beetles so they could be an excellent substitute. Unfortunately, stink bugs have also proliferated, so wear your spectacles and sort carefully!

DIRECTIONS:

1. Catch cockroaches and dry them in the oven for 4 hours at 250 F.

2. Then dip the cockroaches into the caramel sauce. Some people use a fork to dip them, but I find

a spoon to be much easier to use for this combination.

Alternative recipe:

Spread the roaches and/or beetles out on a rimmed baking pan and pour the caramel over them. Bake

in an oven preheated to 375 degrees until the caramel condenses. Cool, and you have bug brittle. Like

peanut brittle, only with no allergy potential.

Bon Appetit!

P.S. these recipes aren't verified, but let us know if you give them a try!