COUSING CLEAVON'S REDNECK COOKING: Buzzing Sugar Pops

This is the best way to get rid of cicadas, you know, those bugs that sound like your wife. They never shut up. However, unlike her, they only come out every 13-17 years!

Cicadas are very difficult to attract. You need salt, sugar, two shot glasses, tequila, and lime juice. Wet the salt so you can roll it into a ball then coat the ball with sugar. Place the ball by a stream with a shot glass of lime juice. The cicadas will lick the sugar off, then get to the salt and want to get a drink. They will drink the lime juice (make sure that glass is right next in line) and get a bitter taste in their mouths. Then they will waddle over to the shot of tequila (next to the juice), which will kill them. This works best with cheap tequila, the kind Cousin Blanche drinks, made to order by her significant bother (yes, bother, not brother or other). It may be purchased from their Etsy page #BlancheWallyShine, if the revenooers haven't shut it down.

INGREDIENTS:

Salt, as necessary

1 lb. sugar

1 cup Lime juice (divide in half)

2 shot glasses

2 ounces of tequila

6 beers (to pass the time)

40 cicadas

4 jalapenos

Lollipop mold

4 teaspoons Cayenne pepper or tajin

STEPS:

1. Remove the wings from the cicadas because they get stuck between your teeth if you don't.

2. Heat them little carcasses in an oven until they are drier than grandma's biscuits.

3. Put all the cicadas in a bag with the jalapenos and pulverize them like a spider on the wall.

4. In a saucepan, add ½ cup lime juice with 1lb of sugar. Heat until sugar is dissolved.

5. After the sugar mix is made, add the cicada/jalapeno mash. Mix well and pour into your lollipop mold. You can add sticks or not, up to you.

6. After the lollipops are hard enough, pop them out of the mold and dip them into the lime juice and sprinkle on the cayenne or tajin.

7. Have lots more beer handy and cold, these are pretty hot stuff!

Bon Appetit!! P.S. these recipes aren't verified, but let us know if you give them a try!