COUSIN CLEAVON'S REDNECK COOKING: Venomous Nope Rope Bake

Rattlesnake is one of the easiest meats to acquire. You can normally find them on the road during the summer. Rattlesnakes love warm places, because they are cold-blooded, just like my ex-wife. There are only two ways to get rattlesnakes, one is to find them dead on the road, and the other is to shoot them. If you acquire a snake on the road, throw a handful of rocks at it, to double check if the snake is alive. No one wants a snake to jump at them, any more than a spider over your head. As soon as you can tell it is dead, put your boot on its head and cut it off. The head, not the boot!

With the shooting method, use a shotgun or another type of gun you can use snake-shot with. Snake-shot is like bird-shot, but it doesn't fly as far. You don't want to get close to the snake at all. I would suggest that you shoot the snake with as many bullets as you have in your gun, because you don't want it to move when you cut off its head. However, try to do all the shooting into the head so you don't ruin much meat or, worse, give yourself and your dinner guests chipped teeth and lead poisoning.

The teeth, and especially the fangs, if any survive the shooting, should be properly disposed of in one of my specially designed venomous sharps containers, available for sale on my website.

After you have collected the headless rattlesnake.You want to cut off the tail (rattler) and skin the snake. The rattler is for your newly born cousin as their first toy. You can keep the skin to make that scaly suit you have been slowly assembling or trade it to one of your redneck relatives for some roadkill to use in one of my other recipes.

DIRECTIONS:

1. After skinning and gutting the snake, wash it out.

2. Then get a piece of aluminum foil and put the snake on it. Then cover it with your BBQ seasoning and wrap the foil around the snake.

3. Cook the snake in oven or over a fire. It takes an hour at 415o to cook the snake.

4. Serve the snake over rice.

Bon Appetit!!

Want more from Cousin Cleavon? Let us know at whledger@gmail.com. P.S. these recipes aren't verified - but let us know if you give them a try!