RECIPE OF THE WEEK: Cousin Cleavon's Raccoon Nuggets

Cousin Cleavon, from right here in lovely Whitehall, has put together Cousin Cleavon's Redneck Cooking and is looking to share the wealth of roadkill recipes with everyone!

INGREDIENTS:

Makes 3 good gut filling portions

1 Average-size raccoon

1 cup flour

2 eggs

Hot sauces

2 billy-clubs

½ teaspoon salt

¼ teaspoon pepper

Cooking oil NOTE: Not drained from your pickup!

DIRECTIONS:

Harvesting of the raccoon: roadkill or hunting?

I enjoy roadkill raccoon, that way it comes pre-tenderized. You don't have to use a billy club unless it didn't get fully run over. Practice your aim by trying to hit water balloons on a deserted highway.

Remember to pick a raccoon with dark circles around its eyes. The darker the circles the sweeter the meat. Usually.

Also, take caution, they play dead and may take advantage of the incident to steal your wallet, just like my ex-wife.

If you go the hunting route, always bring BOTH billy clubs. One is to subdue the raccoon, and the other may be needed to shut up your nagging wife/drunken husband so you can get close enough for the kill.

Any way you want to skin the raccoon works, but it's easier after they puff up for a couple of days. Do keep the head for a table centerpiece, and the tail for your pickup antenna or young-uns bike. Or give it to your ex and it will be an old wife's tail.

Raccoon drumsticks work the best for the nuggets, but if it was a sax or, God forbid, an accordion player, you can use its upper legs. Cut into bite-size pieces.

1. In one bowl mix the flour, salt, and pepper. Use a different bowl to whisk the eggs. Dunk the raccoon meat into the egg then flour mixture. Remember you want that flour all over that meat, just like your family during the holiday when you were still single.

2. Cook the raccoon meat in hot oil. You want the oil sizzling like the radiator of a Model-T topping Pipestone Pass.

3. The hot sauces are for dipping, because the raccoon may taste like the tire that hit it. Plus, the hot sauces help kill any stomach bugs it might have had. Bon Appetit!

Want more from Cousin Cleavon? Let us know at whledger@gmail.com.