Column: Talking Pets

I strongly believe there are two types of pet owners in the world – the ones who make up a voice for their pets and those who don’t.

For as long as I can remember, each of my pets have had a unique voice of their own and while this may frighten some people, it’s scary to me when people’s pets do not speak out loud about their joys, concerns, or need for some food.

It has become so commonplace in our house that often times it is second nature for it to spill out into the public and often times into the office.

Our cat Peaches is six years old and since he was a kitten, he has had a very squeaky voice that sounds like a child who sucked all the helium out of a balloon. It’s loud and when it slips in public, it surely draws the attention of just about everyone within a two-block radius. With Peaches, I have called his special treat of wet cat food “medicine”. Peaches will say things like “I’m sick, I need a little bit of medicine. I promise I’ll quit tomorrow, I just need a taste of medicine today”. If I pick up some at the store, I just have to yell “medicine” and he will come running up the stairs even if he is on his 243rd nap of the day. I always picture what his reaction would be to see the aisle of “medicine” at the grocery store and sometimes I forget where I’m at and his voice slips out. The other day I blurted out in his voice and I got one of the dirtiest looks in the history of mankind.

Was either one of those people that’s a jerk to be a jerk, or quite possible someone who doesn’t have a voice for their pet.

When we found little Jerusha abandoned this summer, she instantly became part of the family, and just as quickly established a voice of her own. While she was just a few weeks old, she was given the accent of an old southern woman who always talks about the adventures in her life. The kids did not know what to think of this voice right away and it stuck, and if you pay attention at the grocery store you might hear Jerusha one of these days, especially if it is near the medicine.

This craziness is not just at my household; my mom has had talking dogs for as long as I can remember. When our pets go to visit her dog Bella, there is so much k-9 and feline verbal interaction going on that it can get a little confusing, but nobody thinks it is weird. When my sister and her boyfriend from Salt Lake visit my mom, they will add to the frenzy of talking pets.

I’m thinking there is a select group of people who will read this and know exactly what I’m talking about, and others will think I’m crazy. For all those who think this sounds bizarre – give it a shot. Think of how entertaining a whole ranch full of cows and sheep would be if they all came to life. It’s a lot cheaper than satellite and probably just as good of entertainment.

The one thing I do wonder about is if our pets really care for these type of shenanigans going on all the time, but I think maybe it makes them even more part of the family.

It’s late afternoon when I’m writing this and I cannot wait to get home to scream medicine and hear a ton of adventures from the southern belle whose lived quite the life so far. She can tell me all about destroying the Christmas Tree we put up yesterday.